Thursday, February 21, 2008

4:37 AM

I’m wide awake. (for the third time this night.) I’m curled up on my right side in an “s” shape. Zelda has snuggled up in the spot between my thighs and ribcage, Saucey is tucked in behind my knees, and DH has his knee wedged into my hipbone. I feel the twinge of a cramp beginning in my thigh. Rolling over is impossible. The vapors of my last dream ‘why was I riding that bike on the grass?’ are being chased from my mind by random but persistent thoughts… ‘what am I going to cross of my to do list today?’…. ‘what else do I still need to do today?’ …. ‘will I still be able to finish both pair of socks this month?’… ‘How come this man has such pointy bones?’ I struggle to calm my mind, think calming thoughts… worry about my kids… pray…try to count sheep - it doesn’t work because I start wondering what breed they are, how their fleece will feel spun up…. Socks, sweaters, hats begin jumping over fences… too distracting… I drift, hubby shifts… now I have a pointy elbow resting on my clavicle… insomnia my curse… finally, Saucey gets up, stretches, decides to go investigate a noise in the other room. I shift, stretch my thigh, Zelda relocates to the foot of the bed… I am drifting, the pull of sleep almost complete… Saucey returns… she stands on my hip, surveying her Queendom, looking for a new spot to sleep… … 5:05 AM awake again… as if on command, Zelda walks up one side, across the pillows and off the bed to check out the nightstands for “toys” I hear a rattle and thump of something being knocked to the floor… then the jingle of her tags as she attacks her prey. I settle down and drift again… thoughts swirling… 5:29 AM Hubby leaps out of bed with exclamations. He forgot to set the alarm, then discovers Zelda’s theft and searches for the missing item in the covers and under the bed… his watch maybe? I roll over and try to sleep once more… I must have succumbed. 7:24 AM I awake, groggy. Saucey has taken up her usual spot at the foot of the bed; she is annoyed that I have woken her up! And so starts another day. I try to reconstruct the things I remembered that I need to do so I can add them to today’s list.

I guess the blessing in all of this is I don’t have to be anywhere or function at more than a glacier’s pace today.

Speaking of a glacier… that’s the pace it feels like I have been knitting at lately, too. But, now I feel my enthusiasm returning. The socks are actually coming along a little faster. The second SS sock is done thru the gussets and all I have left is the foot and toe. I worked on the second entrelac sock awhile yesterday and I have 3 tiers done. I was shamed by my friend Heidi who had seen my sock the week before and went home and knitted one right up. So not right! But she agreed with me that the pattern does suck up the yarn a little more than straight stockinette stitch. I have been looking at new magazines and some of my books and am getting excited about what projects I’ll be casting on for next … that’s a good sign right? Maybe a sign of spring’s imminent return?

I probably don’t talk about my Christian life enough. I know that my knitting is a gift from God. I also know he allows difficulties like insomnia and suffering of other kinds for a reason. I seek daily guidance to discover how God wants me to use my gifts and understand my afflictions so I can bring glory to Him. I struggle daily with learning to just be the person God wants me to be. I feel like I don’t succeed very often, but I do know that when I get it right, I’m not the only one who is blessed.

That’s why I want to tell you about a funny “God” thing that happened yesterday. I joined this Random Acts of Kindness (RAK) group on Ravelry. The point of the group is to do nice things for other people without expectation of anything in return. (Or, in Jesus’ words “to love one another”.) The way it works is that people post “wish lists” of things they want or need and you can send them stuff or if you post one, they can send you stuff from your wish list. Anyhow, that’s how I met Anne who did my lovely new header. Tuesday, I sent one package off to Christie who asked for some circular needles and I had a darning egg I was going to send to Ann , but needed her address and a box. She had sent me her address Tuesday by the time I got back from the post office. Well this is the cool “God” part. I knew that the Veterans Administration (which definitely works in mysterious ways) was sending me a new pair of glasses (for driving) and I should be getting them soon. I knew that the box they would ship them in would be exactly the right size for the darning egg and so when I went to the mailbox yesterday, I kind of said a prayer that my glasses would come so I could use that box to send it off. Well, what do you know? The package key was in my slot and the glasses were in the package box! Perfect! That’s what I love about my relationship with God. He cares about everything I care about, big and small. I wanted to do something nice for someone and He filled the need I had so that I was able to do it. Don’t get me wrong, God doesn’t answer every prayer the way you expect, but when He does… it’s amazing.

So, is it just me or do these girls look cranky?

2 comments:

Marguerite said...

Is it too rude to laugh at your story of the too crowded bed?

I normally sleep with one little dog on my head - the top of my pillow, and the other little dog banged up against by legs. What's really annoying is when I wake up stiff from knowing I shouldn't move and finding out I could have stretched out because the leg dog has gone into the back room to sleep on the couch. The pillow dog never leaves me.

I just finished Captivating and was totally blessed by it. The prayer at the end of the book is super special and full of blessings.

nanaknits said...

Not really, I don't mind the crowding so much as the not sleeping part! Thanks for the incentive to hurry up and finish reading. I'm really slow. My cousin gave me the book almost a year ago!